Returning to our Church

Getting back to First Church (6-5-05)…
This is only the second time since David has been employed at First Church that we have missed 2 Sundays in a row. It was strange being gone that long, nonetheless, it was necessary. David had to leave earlier than I did this morning. He started back teaching Sunday school and I decided to wait and just go to the worship service. I was very anxious about going. Receiving attention was something I have been very uncomfortable with and have avoided over the past three weeks. What if people were looking at me? What if someone said something that upset me?
I walked into service just before it was to start. One lady gave me a hug and said nothing as soon as I walked through the door. That was okay. I was still doing alright at this point. I saw Chris and Jen McKim getting coffee so I decided to walk up to them. I gave Jen a hug and said very little. They didn’t have much to say either. While we were not saying much, David came up behind me and gave me a big hug. He said that he had been looking for me so that he could be with me as soon as I got there. He said that he was actually in mid-conversation with someone and ended the conversation as soon as he saw me. David led me to our seat a few rows back from the platform. He had asked a friend, JD Collins to sit on the other side of me sort of as a buffer. He’s good at playing that role. So, on the one side I had my husband and on the other side was JD. I felt pretty protected.
The service began as normal with a few praise and worship songs. I stood with the rest of the congregation but found it hard to sing or at least sing loud. When I couldn’t bring myself to mouth the words, I’d just close my eyes and listen to the words. We sang Amazing Grace and I think David and I were both crying.
The choir sang after we sang through a few praise choruses. It was strange to be sitting in the congregation instead of being up with the choir. But I just can’t fake it right now and I wasn’t ready to stand up on the platform with 350 people staring my direction. That was a little more (okay, a lot more) than I could handle.
After service, one very sweet lady came up to us and gave hugs to David and I. She said, “I have no words but I just wanted to hug you and tell you I love you.” She could not get any of her words out without crying. Several other women came up to me and hugged me and some even kissed my cheeks. They didn’t have anything to say which was quite alright by me.
So, it was over. I made it through the service and even interacted a little with some people. It was pretty exhausting but I did it.


You look adorable (6-5-05)…
I received an email from a friend from church who talked to me a little bit today. She said, “I hope this is not out of line but I just have to tell you that you look so adorable pregnant.” I was sincerely grateful for her compliment. It actually brought tears to my eyes. I told her that ever since we started trying to get pregnant, I wanted to be one of those adorable pregnant ladies. Now that we have this terrible news about Zoe, I figured that people would try and avoid the topic of me being pregnant altogether. So for her to say that meant a lot.