Shindeldecker Family Reunion 2009

On Saturday, September 25th the Shindeldeckers got together at Smiley Park in Van Wert. Though the day seemed to start out looking like rain, we ended up having a gorgeous day together. We took Grandpa out of the nursing home for the day and he really seemed to enjoy the time with the entire family. We even celebrated a belated birthday with him since it hasn't been easy to do that with his health. He loves DQ ice cream cakes (don't we all) and he always requests that he have one with the big red lips on it. We spent the day eating, talking, playing corn hole and ladder golf, climbing trees to get the ladder golf balls out of the trees, playing funny games compliments of my Aunt Penny, taking lots of pictures, and crying a bit. This was the first time that the entire family was together since my Aunt Connie passed away just before Christmas. I told my cousin, Mindy, that I always expect her mom to be there when we get together and that I even expect the items that she would always make (like her famous veggie pizza). I miss my Aunt Connie and I know that everyone else does as well.

The Smith Boys' Band

Jonah LOVES to drum. He seems to demonstrate a bit of rhythm too. Last week, he actually got to play around on the real drum set after church. He really thought he was the stuff! For Jonah's birthday last year, we purchased him a percussion set (the red bucket was not part of that). As you can see by the duct tape, Jonah has beaten his drums until they no longer could be beaten. Last night, Jonah was playing his drums to his new kids worship CD and Judah decided to join him on his piano. Right now, the combination of it all sort of sounds like a train wreck, but hey, I am sure that even the best musician sounded pretty bad when they started out. Regardless, I am very entertained by the Smith Boys' Band.

A few days away...

David and I just returned from 5 days in Nashville, TN. Every other year, (for the past 8 years) David and I travel to Nashville for the American Association of Christian Counselors World Conference. Over 6,000 professional and church lay counselors, psychiatrists, nurses, and pastors gather together for spiritual renewal as well as training on the most important areas in our field. This is the first time that David and I both attended as therapists as last time he was still completing his MA degree. He commented that it is so cool that we are actually "doing it". We have finally gotten to that point that we have talked about for quite some time where we both get to be therapists and sometimes we even get to counsel together. This conference has always served as a reminder to dream new dreams and explore new areas or at least become better at old area.

David and I loved being away. It is so strange sleeping all night without random crying and talking. The boys were back in Muncie with my parents. Though David and I were having such a great time, I missed Jonah and Judah sooooo much. I called every chance I got to see what they were doing. Jonah was continually entertaining my parents with his drumming or off the wall comments while Judah just smiled like he usually does. Before we left Muncie, David and I joked with my parents that their goals were to get Jonah potty trained and to get Judah walking before we returned home. Jonah hasn't pooped in his diapers since we left Muncie (6 days ago) and Judah has actually stood on his own for a few seconds. Dad told me today that we will have to hire he and mom to come and complete the potty training for Jonah. HaHa probably not but wow, he is definitely making tremendous progress.

Four Years Ago and Today

FOUR YEARS AGO

AND

TODAY

Today is Zoe's birthday. It has been a good day. I spent so much time over the past weeks and especially yesterday pouring our my thoughts and emotions that I feel like I was able to spend today celebrating the life of my precious little girl, Zoe Dawn Smith.

This morning, David, Jonah, Judah and I visited Zoe's grave before church. When we arrived, we noticed that someone had already been to her grave and had placed flowers in her vase. The flowers had a card tucked in them. They were from Tanya, Martha, Eric and Zoe Beth. The card and the sentiment attached to the gesture meant so much to me and David. David and I had also brought flowers...roses which we had taken from the rose bush planted in memory of David's mom. It is special and extremely significant to be able to place those flowers on Zoe's grave, connecting to of the most beautiful females we know. After giving Zoe her flowers, our family sang Happy Birthday to Zoe and we kissed the "O" (like we always do). It was so precious to see Jonah run up to kiss the "O" as soon as he could get out of the car. David told me later today that Jonah was actually going around kissing the "O's" on the other graves as well. I am sure that their mothers would have appreciated that gesture...

We spent some of the day looking at video of Zoe but much of the day was very normal, church, football, a nap and playing with the boys. Sometime before supper, I suggested to David that we give his brother and dad a call to see if they wanted to join us back at the cemetery for a walk and visit at Zoe's grave. We thought that we would end the evening getting ice cream in honor of Zoe's birthday. It was an enjoyable evening at the cemetery. Both times we were there today, there were practically no other vehicles and so we could let the kids roam free on the roads. In one area of the cemetery, the kids (plus David and Danny) found a huge mountain of mulch and enjoyed a climbing adventure. Josiah remarked that "this is the coolest" and we commented on how are kids have no fear of cemeteries but actually think they are fun to visit. After letting the kids run around in a grassy area, we decided to go back to Zoe's grave and sing Happy Birthday and kiss her "O" again before we left. I think that Josiah and Hannah could have spent the rest of the night kissing the "O". It was sweet to hear Hannah tell Zoe that she misses her, even though she was not even 2 when Zoe was born. Those kids are so adorable and it is so special to celebrate Zoe's life with them.

Football

We love football at our house...the weather, crashing on the couch, eating lunch after church in front of the tube, cheering for our teams, etc. It is ironic since I grew up in a school that didn't even have a football team! Even more ironic is the fact that one of the top players of one of our teams (the Ball State Cardinals) is from my high school. They finally organized a team about 10 years after I left. So these are pictures of my boys...in Cardinal Red and Colts' Blue. I think they are pretty cute!

An Emotional Afternoon

Tomorrow is Zoe's birthday. She would have been 4. Earlier this year, I decided that I would blog my entire journal from my pregnancy with Zoe and the days following her birth. However, just last week, I realized that my journaling stopped the day I went into labor.

Today, Jonah took David to a friend's birthday party (ironically, this friend is 1 day older than Zoe would have been) while I stayed at home with Judah and attempted to put my thoughts from September 13-19th (the day of Zoe's funeral) into words. David and Jonah just arrived home but David said that he would take the boys downstairs to watch football while I finish my thoughts. I have spent the last few hours typing, looking at old pictures, and crying. Wow...it is amazing how raw the emotions still feel at times...I guess that is especially so when one is trying to place them self back in the moment in order to recapture the experience. I cannot remember everything that happened but I did remember a lot. I am so glad that I spent this energy of which i am now depleted to put my life with Zoe into writing. I invite you, if you would like, to revisit those memories with me. They can be found in the 2005 section under September 13th-19th.

Happy Birthday Al

Today is my father-in-law's birthday. He is the best father-in-law I have ever had and he says that I am one of two of the best daughters-in-law he has ever had. Ahh...how sweet. Three years ago, we began a tradition for Al's birthday and you know how I love traditions. For years and years, I have heard Al talk about his favorite place to eat in his old stomping grounds of Fort Wayne...Coney Island Wiener Stand, "home of the steamed buns." Mostly, he used to joke about taking me there since I don't eat the main item on their menu. However, I must say that they make some pretty darn good baked beans.

So, on Labor Day, we loaded up the troops and headed to Coney Island. It definitely is a hole in the wall, but it is a great experience and it is quite fitting that this has become Al's birthday tradition. This year, before moving on to dessert at my favorite ice cream place (Cold Stone Creamery), Al led us to the creek where he used to play as a child. Al enjoys taking Jonah (and the other grandkids) to throw stones at the creek by our house (Al and Karen live just around the corner so the creek is near their house as well). During one of those walks, Al told Jonah that someday he would take him to his creek as a kid. So, on Monday we did just that. Al seemed to enjoy showing all of the grandkids his creek and the adults all seemed to enjoy watching that happen. Happy Birthday Al! We love you a ton!

Zoe meets Zoe

David and I have had two wonderful days spending time with Eric, Martha and Zoe Beth and Tanya. We have spent time laughing, playing indoor and outdoor games, watching movies, and of course feeding our faces. One of the most special things we did was taking Zoe Beth to the cemetery to "introduce her" to her namesake...our Zoe Dawn. When we arrived, Jonah got out and kissed the "O" and proceeded to ask Tanya and then Martha to kiss Zoe's "O" as well. David and I thought this would be a good time to remind Jonah of the differences between his sister Zoe and Eric and Martha's daughter, Zoe. I think he might be getting it a bit more. At the end of our visit with Zoe, we spent time praying for Zoe Beth while expressing thanks for Zoe Dawn. It was precious to hear my 2 1/2 year old pray that "Zoe would have a great day at her grave". The entire time was special knowing that Zoe was and is an important person to each of the people who sat there praying around her grave. I love you Zoe and I can hardly believe that in just one week you would have been 4.

Jonah and Zoe Bear

I have a little pink bear that I received from our friends, Phillipe and Laura, shortly after Zoe was diagnosed with Trimsomy 13. I slept with Zoe bear while I was pregnant with Zoe and for most of the year following her death. The aching arms that people talk about after the death of a child is real and holding the little bear seemed to make them feel better.

Zoe Bear even traveled to Mexico with David when he led a mission's trip while I was pregnant with Zoe. It allowed for a way for him to connect with Zoe and I and served as a reminder to pray for us daily. These days, Zoe Bear typically stays in the cabinet at the head of my bed. I still get her out on days when I am especially missing Zoe. Jonah knows about Zoe Bear and knows where we keep her. When he was little, he used to chew on Zoe Bear and that may be the reason I began putting her in the cabinet.

Recently, I have been doing a lot of blogging about Zoe. I have made numerous posts under 2005 sharing my journaling during that time. I have also been editing some of her pictures. These activities have led to several conversations with Jonah about Zoe. He has requested to sing "Zoe's song" (aka "I have a Maker") many times at bedtime and on Monday night, he asked if he could sleep with Zoe Bear. Over the last two days, Jonah and Zoe Bear have been adorable. Jonah has tucked Zoe Bear into bed, sat her at the table with him to eat, and on many occasions, I have even seen him give her random kisses on her nose.

There have been challenges to explaining to a 2 year old that his sister Zoe is not Zoe Bear and that his sister Zoe is not Eric and Martha's baby girl, Zoe Beth. Sometimes it seems that Jonah gets it and sometimes he definitely seems confused. And sometimes it seems like he understands even more than I realize.