Jonah and Zoe Bear

I have a little pink bear that I received from our friends, Phillipe and Laura, shortly after Zoe was diagnosed with Trimsomy 13. I slept with Zoe bear while I was pregnant with Zoe and for most of the year following her death. The aching arms that people talk about after the death of a child is real and holding the little bear seemed to make them feel better.

Zoe Bear even traveled to Mexico with David when he led a mission's trip while I was pregnant with Zoe. It allowed for a way for him to connect with Zoe and I and served as a reminder to pray for us daily. These days, Zoe Bear typically stays in the cabinet at the head of my bed. I still get her out on days when I am especially missing Zoe. Jonah knows about Zoe Bear and knows where we keep her. When he was little, he used to chew on Zoe Bear and that may be the reason I began putting her in the cabinet.

Recently, I have been doing a lot of blogging about Zoe. I have made numerous posts under 2005 sharing my journaling during that time. I have also been editing some of her pictures. These activities have led to several conversations with Jonah about Zoe. He has requested to sing "Zoe's song" (aka "I have a Maker") many times at bedtime and on Monday night, he asked if he could sleep with Zoe Bear. Over the last two days, Jonah and Zoe Bear have been adorable. Jonah has tucked Zoe Bear into bed, sat her at the table with him to eat, and on many occasions, I have even seen him give her random kisses on her nose.

There have been challenges to explaining to a 2 year old that his sister Zoe is not Zoe Bear and that his sister Zoe is not Eric and Martha's baby girl, Zoe Beth. Sometimes it seems that Jonah gets it and sometimes he definitely seems confused. And sometimes it seems like he understands even more than I realize.