It is amazing how quickly my thinking can go downhill. We were sitting in our small group discussion this evening and though I wasn’t very talkative, I thought that I was having a decent day. However, I found myself sitting on the couch with our friend Justin sitting across from me in a chair. Justin and Sandy came over to our house the day after we found out about Zoe’s condition and I sat on the couch with David and Justin sat across from us in that same chair. It was just like tonight except David was not sitting beside me and there were other people in the room. I found myself thinking back to the evening when David and I were talking to Justin and Sandy about Zoe. I was in the depths of the depression and hopelessness at that time and I could feel like I was falling back there, if even for a short time. I sat quiet with my hand on my stomach feeling Zoe, comforting her, while everyone else continued to discuss the topic around me. We ended in prayer and I quickly went to our master bath where I couldn’t help but cry. Am I never going to be able to feel Zoe move outside of my body? Will she live or will she die? Does anyone understand what I am feeling and the constant thoughts that go through my mind?
David came into the bathroom just a little while after I had exited the discussion and saw me crying. He hugged me and told me that I should just stay in our room while he says goodbye to everyone as they leave. David and I took a walk after everyone had left so that I could tell him about some of my thoughts. He just listened, which is exactly what I needed at that time.
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