9-13-05 (The Big Day)…
I had been feeling strange a lot of the day. I hadn’t really felt Zoe move much since late yesterday. When I did feel her move, the feeling was more like she was having hiccups than the normal squirming around that I would feel. I laid down a few times today…after eating breakfast and again after eating lunch and I still didn’t feel a lot of movement during those times. At about 3:30pm I was really starting to get worried…what if something was going wrong and something bad was happening to Zoe? I began intensely focusing on trying to count Zoe’s movements. I think you are supposed to feel between 5-10 in one hour and I just wasn’t. At about 4:00 I decided to eat some chocolate chips thinking that maybe the quick amount of sugar would cause Zoe to start moving more so I could know that she was okay. At 4:45 I was really getting worried and decided to call David. He answered his cell phone right away and said that he was thinking that he should come home. I told him that I was worried because I hadn’t been feeling Zoe much and that I was thinking about calling Dr. Landwehr. David said he would be home in just a few minutes and so we decided to wait and call the doctor when he arrived. By the time David got home, I had loaded up the cameras and gotten out Dr. Landwehr’s number. (Ironically, something urged me to charge the cameras the previous night.) I had also gone to the bathroom and felt like I was starting to leak a little bit of fluid but it was all new to me so I wasn’t sure what that meant.
I had David call Dr. Landwehr’s office because I was getting emotional and worried by that time. We paged Dr. Landwehr and he called us back right away. He suggested that we come into the labor and delivery unit to assess what was happening. David and I grabbed the cameras, my back x-rays and headed out the door. We arrived at Labor and Delivery at about 5:30. Dana Crosby, who was the nurse that did the private birthing classes for me and David, was waiting for us at the front of the unit. Unfortunately, she was only going to be there until 7:00pm after working a 12 hour shift. Dana made a copy of our insurance card and took us to our room. She said that if I was just having discharge, they would send me home for a while but if my water
had broke, we would be staying and having a baby. Before looking at the fluid, Dana hooked up a monitor to find Zoe’s heartbeat. She found it right away and it was as strong as ever. I heard David crying beside me. He hadn’t shown much emotion to that point and said that he didn’t realize how concerned he was until he heard her heartbeat. Dana tested the fluid with some type of litmus paper test and said “guess what color it is supposed to be if it is amniotic fluid?” It was obvious in how she said it that it was the correct color. Therefore, David and I were staying to have our baby. A few seconds after absorbing the news, David started jumping up and down saying “we’re having a baby. We’re having a baby.”
>>>>>>>Apparently I wrote the first portion of this account sometime shortly after Zoe was born but I stopped at that point. Maybe it was too much, maybe I didn’t have the energy. I just am not sure. So, this year, 2009, I will use my energy surrounding Zoe’s birthday to fill in the details…the details of memories that I want to never forget. I am afraid that some of the memories have faded but I want to capture them before they are gone. <<<<<<<<
I had been feeling strange a lot of the day. I hadn’t really felt Zoe move much since late yesterday. When I did feel her move, the feeling was more like she was having hiccups than the normal squirming around that I would feel. I laid down a few times today…after eating breakfast and again after eating lunch and I still didn’t feel a lot of movement during those times. At about 3:30pm I was really starting to get worried…what if something was going wrong and something bad was happening to Zoe? I began intensely focusing on trying to count Zoe’s movements. I think you are supposed to feel between 5-10 in one hour and I just wasn’t. At about 4:00 I decided to eat some chocolate chips thinking that maybe the quick amount of sugar would cause Zoe to start moving more so I could know that she was okay. At 4:45 I was really getting worried and decided to call David. He answered his cell phone right away and said that he was thinking that he should come home. I told him that I was worried because I hadn’t been feeling Zoe much and that I was thinking about calling Dr. Landwehr. David said he would be home in just a few minutes and so we decided to wait and call the doctor when he arrived. By the time David got home, I had loaded up the cameras and gotten out Dr. Landwehr’s number. (Ironically, something urged me to charge the cameras the previous night.) I had also gone to the bathroom and felt like I was starting to leak a little bit of fluid but it was all new to me so I wasn’t sure what that meant.
I had David call Dr. Landwehr’s office because I was getting emotional and worried by that time. We paged Dr. Landwehr and he called us back right away. He suggested that we come into the labor and delivery unit to assess what was happening. David and I grabbed the cameras, my back x-rays and headed out the door. We arrived at Labor and Delivery at about 5:30. Dana Crosby, who was the nurse that did the private birthing classes for me and David, was waiting for us at the front of the unit. Unfortunately, she was only going to be there until 7:00pm after working a 12 hour shift. Dana made a copy of our insurance card and took us to our room. She said that if I was just having discharge, they would send me home for a while but if my water
had broke, we would be staying and having a baby. Before looking at the fluid, Dana hooked up a monitor to find Zoe’s heartbeat. She found it right away and it was as strong as ever. I heard David crying beside me. He hadn’t shown much emotion to that point and said that he didn’t realize how concerned he was until he heard her heartbeat. Dana tested the fluid with some type of litmus paper test and said “guess what color it is supposed to be if it is amniotic fluid?” It was obvious in how she said it that it was the correct color. Therefore, David and I were staying to have our baby. A few seconds after absorbing the news, David started jumping up and down saying “we’re having a baby. We’re having a baby.”>>>>>>>Apparently I wrote the first portion of this account sometime shortly after Zoe was born but I stopped at that point. Maybe it was too much, maybe I didn’t have the energy. I just am not sure. So, this year, 2009, I will use my energy surrounding Zoe’s birthday to fill in the details…the details of memories that I want to never forget. I am afraid that some of the memories have faded but I want to capture them before they are gone. <<<<<<<<
After David jumped around for a while, we attempted to think through what was happening and what we needed to do next. David helped me make a list of things to get from home since I hadn’t had the chance to pack my hospital bags yet. I believe that I already had a small one packed for Zoe with her clothes in it but I didn’t have any for myself. David left as soon as he could and he called our offices to make sure they started do what needed to be done to clear our schedules. David also had to contact Sarah to let her know that he would not be at the Living Room service so she would have to be in charge for the evening. David was back at the hospital by about 7:00pm. I was apparently having contractions but they weren’t that strong yet. Because of my back problems I think I had prepared myself for back labor which I fortunately wasn’t having.
Once David returned, we thought that we needed to start calling our family. I am not really sure where the time went because I don’t think that we got in touch with my parents until about 8:30 or so. I know that they packed up and got into their car and headed to Muncie as quick as they could. I know that David called his dad and Karen and he called Danny and Nichole (Danny was at Asbury Seminary in KY at that time). David told Nichole that there was only one reason he would be calling at that time and Nichole said they would get there as soon as possible. Dr. Landwehr came in and checked on me a few times but by about 9:00pm he told us he was headed home and that he would continue to monitor me from home. We also spoke with Dr. Donna Wilkins, the neonatologist on duty. Dr. Donna became one of our favorite people as she walked through every step with us. Before Dr. Landwehr left, he also told me that I could get an epidural at any point if I was feeling too much pain. I opted to continue to wait for a while since the labor still didn’t seem that intense. By about 10:15pm, Dr. Landwehr had come back into my room and asked us “so are you ready to have a baby?” Dr. Landwehr explained that Zoe was not tolerated labor very well and that he felt it was time to perform an emergency C section.
The next ½ hour moved very quickly and yet very slow. The nurses prepped me for surgery and quickly took me into the operating room. I remember lots of medical staff and the cool, bright operating room. The anesthesiologist administered the spinal and the bottom 3/4ths of my body soon was numb. Dr. Landwehr entered the operating room and by now there must have been 10-12 medical staff, including Dr. Landwehr’s team and the NICU team. David was brought back into the OR soon after Dr. Landwehr and he was directed to take a seat on a stool that was positioned just to the left of my head. Dr. Landwehr immediately started to cut through my abdomen trying to get to Zoe as quickly as possible.
Zoe was born at 10:44pm on Tuesday, September 13, 2005 exactly 1 month before her due date and just one day shy of being considered within “term”. Zoe was 5 pounds 6 ounces and 18 inches long. I distinctly remember Zoe quickly being taken over by the Neonatologist to their “exam table”. I did not hear her cry and though I knew she was having difficulty breathing, David told me that she was moving. It took several minutes before I could see Zoe but eventually Dr. Donna brought her to me, swaddled in a white blanket already
on a small ventilator. I thought she was beautiful and she was starring right at me. It was like she already knew who I was. She had a cute little wrinkled forehead, blue eyes, and beautiful wavy brown hair. Unfortunately, she couldn't stay there long as they needed to take Zoe away to the NICU to address her immediate needs. Before long, I was sewn up and taken to the recovery room. I don’t remember a lot there except that I felt very drugged. David reminds me that I had been laboring for 6 hours and then was taken into surgery and that 
would be exhausting for anyone. I remember that my parents and David’s dad and Karen came into the recovery room for a few minutes to visit with me. I was struggling to stay awake through all of it. During this time, David came back in to walk beside me as I was pushed on the gurney into the Neonatal ICU. He had spent the last hour or so with Zoe as the doctors worked on her. David said that he did a lot watching as they poked and examined Zoe 
and he tried not to ask too many questions. By the time he came to get me, all he really knew was that Zoe was alive, she was having difficulty breathing and that he didn’t really know what that all meant. I remember being wheeled into the 
NICU right beside Zoe’s bed. I was trying so hard to keep my eyes open. The nurses placed Zoe on my chest so that I could “hold” her. She had a ventilator and two nurses had to help hold it in place while I was holding her. I kissed her and rubbed her face. She was asleep from exhaustion I am sure. The next thing I knew, I was in my post-partum room and drifting off. I vaguely remember hearing David talking to Danny before falling asleep. 
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