Thursday with Zoe...

9/15/05
Early Thursday (it was probably about 3am), I could no longer rest in my room. I slowly eased out of bed and shuffled down to the NICU. I had to see Zoe. I remember that I was crying before I even got through the door. The nurses immediately helped me hold Zoe. I needed to pray with her. I needed to sing to her. I needed to touch her and tell her how much I loved her. It was hitting me to hard that she would not be with me for long and I just needed to be with her.

So on Thursday, Zoe received a lot of physical attention. My parents, David’s dad and Karen, Danny, Nichole and Michele all had the opportunity to hold her at least one time. Every time someone held Zoe, a respiratory therapist would have to hold her ventilator the entire time. They NEVER hesitated and I am so grateful for the concern they showed to our family knowing that every moment we held her was truly a blessing.

On Thursday night, I had decided that I wanted the entire family to be present for Zoe’s second day birthday. The NICU gave us special permission to have 14 people surrounding Zoe for her birthday party. I knew that this might be the last time that most of our family would get to be with Zoe since we had determined that we would be removing the ventilator on Friday morning at about 9:00am. After David and I had spent some special alone time with Zoe, our family came in to join us. At 10:44pm, we all sang Happy Birthday to Zoe. Karen had even purchased a cake that Nichole showed to Zoe while we sang to her. The nurses and even Dr. Donna stood with us during the celebration. One nurse (Debbie) who took extra special care of us and Zoe, gave Zoe a baby ring. I treasure this so much. After singing Happy Birthday, we spent some time praying together and thanking God for Zoe. Then we sang “You have a Maker” a song that I began singing to Zoe from the first time I saw her. It is actually called “I have a Maker” but I thought that it was fitting to sing it to her in this tense, Just before saying goodnight to Zoe, our children’s pastor (Chris Sherck) spent time dedicating Zoe. He spoke about the significance of her name Zoe (meaning the essence of life) and prayed for us and Zoe. Pastor Chris presented us with a yellow rose and a Children’s Bible for Zoe. At the end of the night, David and I suggested that everyone give Zoe a goodnight kiss on her forehead. Everyone did….some spoke to her while others couldn’t even speak.

She was so alert that night. I saw her eyes more than ever and she was moving her arms so much. She would do this move that David and I call “Super Zoe” because it appeared that she was getting ready to fly away like a superhero. I value that night with Zoe. I felt like we were really interacting and that she was trying to tell me something by the way she would look at me.