Where did it go?

I usually love the month of April. They weather is typically beautiful (even with the unpredictable storms that seem to creep up). This April has seemed like a blur in many ways. I am chuckling as I realize that I chose the word "blur" as one of the things that has made this month busy is the fact that a week ago, I had the privilege of undergoing Lasik eye surgery and have gone from very blurry vision to seeing 20/20 or better. So, in some ways, life is a lot more clear! Wow, I find myself going from one thought to another...maybe that is a symptom of my sleepiness or maybe it is the state of mind I am currently in. I feel blurry but yet clear. Are you confused yet?

The month started out with Easter and breaking my 6 week fast from facebook. During the fast I hoped to be more intentional about how I was spending my time desiring to connect more with God as opposed to mindlessly looking through the same set of pictures and status updates over and over again. Well, the fast ended and though I haven't returned to the old pattern of wasting endless time through FB, time has definitely been filled by other things. Namely, I feel like I have been existing through sleeplessness as a result of having had a sick little Judah for almost 3 weeks now. High fevers have dramatically interferred with Judah's generally happy nature. His sleep and therefore our sleep have been pathetic and consequently I have been functioning in a haze. Finally today, I feel a burst of energy. I want to exercise, I want to read a book that I have been hearing about (which unfortunately I do not currently possess), I want to organize, and I don't feel the overwhelming need to lay down for a nap. This is quite the improvement. Judah is acting a bit more like himself and only awakened me 5 times last night as opposed to literally 20 earlier in the week. I am regaining my strength and my clarity.

This morning at church we saw a documentary of a man who has been living out his story, a story of which he can be proud and a story of which one would say he has been "running the race". After the documentary had ended, we were asked the question, "Are you running the race?" To which I immediately thought, "Which race am I running?" Often, I feel like I am running a race but not always the race that is best. Am I in a race to get the chores done, to earn more, to check things off the list? That really is not the type of race that at the end I can feel proud. The race I want to be in is affecting others by allowing Christ to affect me. We were also asked the question of "what is hindering you in your race"? Sometimes the answer feels like "everything". (Deep Breath...) So, today I jump back into the race. Slow and steady is what I have always heard. Consistency. Breathing. Connecting with my creator. That is where I start.