Happy Mother's Day 2010...

Sunday morning at church, my friend Jennifer spoke about returning to a childlike faith. Along with that, returning to a childlike simplicity about life. When we were a child, relationships, sleep, expectations, etc were less complicated. I love the lessons I often learn from my children. They are beautiful and energetic and carefree. Judah loves to eat dirt while Jonah loves to play in it. I often complicate even play by becoming overly focused upon the energy and cleanup that will be involved in the process. After church, I went back to being a kid (at least for a little while). The entire family took turns sliding down the slide and I wrestled Jonah in the grass. Jonah must have been quite impacted by the fun because at least a dozen times since then he has spontaneously spouted out, "hey, I have an idea. Let's do a family slide."

After playing together for a bit, David and the boys began the typical mother's day tradition of planting flowers around the house for me. I get to do the fun stuff, watch and take pictures! Last year, I recall that Judah basically laid on a blanket while Jonah attempted to help David dig holes. Just a year later, Jonah was clearing dirt out of the holes with his big boy shovel while Judah was pushing mulch back into the holes. David is so patient with them and didn't mind the extra effort undoing their damage would require of him.

I feel so fortunate to have my boys. On Monday, while visiting with my friend, she asked me what Mother's Day was like for me. I knew that behind her question, she was wondering if I felt sad regarding the absence of Zoe and Micah. Though we did visit Zoe's grave just after church and we did plant lilies in memory of the two children who are no longer with me, I told her that I just cannot help but be grateful for Jonah and Judah. I love them so much that it hurts and they bring me so much joy. I am so glad that the joy of being grateful for them rather than the pain of missing my other two children can be my focus. It was a good Mother's Day.

Where did it go?

I usually love the month of April. They weather is typically beautiful (even with the unpredictable storms that seem to creep up). This April has seemed like a blur in many ways. I am chuckling as I realize that I chose the word "blur" as one of the things that has made this month busy is the fact that a week ago, I had the privilege of undergoing Lasik eye surgery and have gone from very blurry vision to seeing 20/20 or better. So, in some ways, life is a lot more clear! Wow, I find myself going from one thought to another...maybe that is a symptom of my sleepiness or maybe it is the state of mind I am currently in. I feel blurry but yet clear. Are you confused yet?

The month started out with Easter and breaking my 6 week fast from facebook. During the fast I hoped to be more intentional about how I was spending my time desiring to connect more with God as opposed to mindlessly looking through the same set of pictures and status updates over and over again. Well, the fast ended and though I haven't returned to the old pattern of wasting endless time through FB, time has definitely been filled by other things. Namely, I feel like I have been existing through sleeplessness as a result of having had a sick little Judah for almost 3 weeks now. High fevers have dramatically interferred with Judah's generally happy nature. His sleep and therefore our sleep have been pathetic and consequently I have been functioning in a haze. Finally today, I feel a burst of energy. I want to exercise, I want to read a book that I have been hearing about (which unfortunately I do not currently possess), I want to organize, and I don't feel the overwhelming need to lay down for a nap. This is quite the improvement. Judah is acting a bit more like himself and only awakened me 5 times last night as opposed to literally 20 earlier in the week. I am regaining my strength and my clarity.

This morning at church we saw a documentary of a man who has been living out his story, a story of which he can be proud and a story of which one would say he has been "running the race". After the documentary had ended, we were asked the question, "Are you running the race?" To which I immediately thought, "Which race am I running?" Often, I feel like I am running a race but not always the race that is best. Am I in a race to get the chores done, to earn more, to check things off the list? That really is not the type of race that at the end I can feel proud. The race I want to be in is affecting others by allowing Christ to affect me. We were also asked the question of "what is hindering you in your race"? Sometimes the answer feels like "everything". (Deep Breath...) So, today I jump back into the race. Slow and steady is what I have always heard. Consistency. Breathing. Connecting with my creator. That is where I start.

Easter Weekend...

I am absolutely in love with my kids. Yes, some days they make me want to pull out every hair from my head but most of the time I just want to squeeze them until I can't squeeze anymore. I am so grateful for the past Easter that we were able to experience together. I will have a lot of beautiful memories from this weekend. The fun began Friday, when for the first time, my Grandma Saylor visited my home. Since dad had the responsibility of picking my grandma and aunt up from the Indy airport, he took the liberty of driving them past Muncie on their way back to Van Wert. Since my grandma has been living in Florida with my aunt (who also visited) over the past 1 1/2 yrs, getting to see her does not happen often. She has never met Judah and only seen Jonah a couple of times. Recently, Jonah has been in this "play shy" phase which in David and I's opinion comes across as rude. Fortunately, he was in the "let me entertain you" mode when grandma visited so that she was able to see a better picture of Jonah. Judah is pretty consistently cute, energetic, and lovable right now. So, while my parents, grandma, and my aunt were at our house for a short visit, we had our first Easter Egg Hunt followed by dinner and entertainment (trying to talk while Jonah directed us as "the band" with him playing lead on the drum set).
This is the first Easter Sunday that I can recall not driving to Van Wert to have dinner with my extended Ohio family followed by the huge candy hunt. We love being with my family but with church responsibilities, the timing just didn't work for us. So this year, we did things a little different. On Sunday, we woke up bright and early and headed to IHOP for pancakes before church. During our church service, 5 individuals were baptized. One of the individuals was Nate the drummer. Nate the drummer and Dave the guitar player are three of Jonah's favorite people to see at church (especially when they are drumming and playing the guitar). On Easter, Nate was being baptized and Dave was baptizing him. David and I thought that it would be a significant event for Jonah to watch the baptisms and that they would hold even more meaning to his 3 year old mind since two of his favorite people were involved. Jonah was quite attentive and wanted to check out the baptistry tub afterwards. We had quite a conversation last night about Easter being the time we celebrate that Jesus is alive and that "Nate got a bath and Dave pushed him down". And then we proceeded to talk more about "Bathtism".

After service, David and I and the boys visited Zoe's grave. Our friends, Tim and Karen and their kids, joined us as we gave Zoe the Easter Lily that their daughter, Waverley, had purchased in memory of her. Jonah was again in the "Let me entertain you" mode and showed Wavey what visiting Zoe's grave is like. He also showed her the trees, the other graves, the huge mulch pile behind the graves and a few other things. You'd think they were much older than 3 by the way they interact sometimes. After Tim and Karen and their kids left, David and I and the boys had a short picnic at Zoe's grave. The wind was very strong and the boys were getting restless so even though the picnic was short, I really enjoyed our moments together...another memory that I will cherish.

Happy Spring Day...

David and I spend a lot of time talking about gifts for the boys. We try to be very intentional when it comes to what we give them for their birthdays and for Christmas. This previous fall, David and I were on a walk and we were attempting to plan out the upcoming gifts. It occurred to us that Jonah and Judah both have birthdays in the cold months and that Christmas is obviously in a cold month as well, not times very conducive to giving outdoorsy things and telling them they will have to wait months before using them. At that moment we came up with the idea for a new tradition that we would call "Spring Day". Spring Day would generally occur on the first day of Spring unless schedule or whether did not allow. On Spring Day, the boys would be surprised with some sort of outdoor gift...something that would encourage play and encourage the enjoyment of spring.

So on March 20th, 2010 the Smiths celebrated our first Spring Day. The gift choice for Jonah was obvious, a bike. He was able to ride his cousin Moses' bike last summer and he was often telling us that he wished he had a bike like Moses. Now he does. Seeing the look on his face when he saw "a bike just like Moses'" was priceless. Hearing him say thank you at least 5 times while he rode his new bike made it all worth it. Choosing a gift for Judah was not quite as simple. We decided to get him a soccer ball that is attached to a band that brings that ball back to you. He likes it but he really just wanted to put on Jonah's helmet and ride the bike like Moses'. We also decided to get a gift for the two of them (mostly because daddy could stand the idea of them not having a functioning basketball hoop outside where they could improve their skills:)). Judah just thinks he is a big boy. It might be due to him being around older kids a lot of the time or it may be because he is just daring and likes to think of himself as older. Whatever it is, he seemed to like all of the Spring Day gifts.

Unfortunately, Spring is a time of unpredictable whether. The morning we celebrated, it was warm and sunny. That night, the temps dropped 20+ degrees and it rained for two straight days. Fortunately, as I look out the window, it is sunny and fairly clear which gives me hope that we will soon be able to enjoy our Spring Day gifts again very soon.

The Snack Drawer...

Many families have a snack drawer. Most use the drawer to store their snacks....Judah...he has chosen to redefine the meaning of a snack drawer.