Back to it...

I am finally getting back to it. Sometimes we have to take breaks from processing. Sometimes it just gets too overwhelming and we have to let our minds rest. I think I have been doing this for a while regarding Zoe but thinking about Shannon's kids (which you can read about two posts ago) how got me processing Zoe again whether I was ready of not. I know that shortly after I started this blog, I told myself that I would have my entire journal of my life with Zoe posted before her next birthday. Her 4th birthday is quickly approaching and I have many, many more pages to post. So, I am home alone with a couple of hours of silence before I begin seeing client. I am jumping back in......

Lions and Tigers and Monkeys and Bowling Balls

What a fun couple of days we had with my parents! They came to visit on Thursday and left Saturday and we hardly stopped moving the entire time. Unfortunately, I forgot my camera when we challenged ourselves to bumper bowling and visited the amazing Muncie farmer's market and cheered David on during his softball tournament. However, I did manage to remember my camera for our trip to the Fort Wayne Children's Zoo. What a great, kid friendly zoo! Jonah had such a good time and has been asking about returning ever since we left. Judah...well he slept and smiled at people as they walked by. The animals didn't really have that much appeal for him...this time.

The drums were definitely one of Jonah's favorite things at the Zoo. If you were to ask him, he would have said that his favorite thing was brushing the goats. However, nothing held his attention like the drums did. He could have played them for hours.

Buckaw and Jonah enjoyed riding the safari sky ride through the park. Fortunately, I think Jonah was stunned just enough to keep him from trying to stand up....maybe that is what kept Buckaw seated as well.

Jonah and Memaw rode the carousel. Even though Jonah wanted to sit on an Orangutan, he had to settle for the Giant Panda. He didn't seem to mind....

Shannon's kids

I had every intention of writing a post about the fun day that we had on Friday at the zoo and bowling with my parents. I will write about that later. All I can think about right now is Shannon and her kids. I met Shannon at Taylor and recently reconnected with Shannon through the world of Facebook. Last night, before climbing into bed, I decided to check Shannon's blog. I ache for her. I cannot stop thinking about her...

Shannon and her husband Matt have two beautiful children, Waverly (age 6) and Oliver (age 3). Their children are both dying. Two years ago, not one, both both of their children were diagnosed with a horrible incurable disease called MPS IIIA/Sanfilippo's syndrome. Almost daily, Shannon sees that skills her children were once able to do are no longer within their grasp. Physically, verbally, mentally...their abilities are vanishing. I cannot read Shannon's blog without crying. I hurt so deeply for her. Last night, she wrote about crying as she stood in their bedroom while they slept. She expressed feeling like a failure as a mother because she feels like she is supposed to protect them and yet there is no protecting them from the disease that is slowly taking both of them from her.

As I have processed Zoe's death, I am keenly aware that the most traumatic part of the experience was "waiting for her to die"...from about 18 weeks gestation through the time of her death...3 days after her birth. That time of wondering...am i doing enough...can i do more...is she okay...is she hurting...when will this end...when will she die...is this all a nightmare...this can't be real...please make it stop.........but all of that was my reality. And all of this and more is Shannon's reality as she takes care of her two beautiful, once thriving, daughter and son. I think this is why I am so affected by Shannon's story. Her story is real and it is painful. She loves her children with an unending love. I want others to know of her story. Please pray for her family. Her blog can be accessed at www.familymctravels.blogspot.com.

103 miles....seriously?!

On Saturday, David, his brother (Danny) and his dad (Al) accomplished what bikers call "a century ride". They may be crazy but I sure do love them and they seemed to have such a great time being together for the 7 hours it took them to accomplish the journey. Danny and David and trying to get Nichole and I to take up the sport but I am just not sure that it is my cup of tea! Team Smith took off at 6:30am and the better parts of Team Smith (Nichole and I and the kids) drove up later to beat them to Grandpa's lake house in order to cheer them in. They looked amazingly well when they arrived and Danny and David thought it would be fun to run a few steps and swim a few strokes in order to classify the event as a triathlons! Silly boys!


After the boys arrived, we relaxed by the lake with Grandma and Grandpa Smith for a few hours. As David and Danny said at the end of the day, "it is always difficult leaving". There is something quite relaxing and serene about the lake and with the business of life, trips there are becoming fewer and farther between.

Four generations of Smith males. What a great groups of boys!

Getting Braver

Jonah is doing so much better braving the water these days. We have had the fortunate opportunity to spend time recently at a pool and a lake. Jonah had a blast getting wet. He has made a lot of progress since vacation in June when he seemed to be glued to the entrance steps to the pool.

Just Like My Daddy

It is so adorable to me when I see my son attempting to be like his daddy. We recently inherited this baseball pants from a friend and Jonah was immediately excited to start wearing them to daddy's baseball games. Now Jonah doesn't want to go to any game without his lucky pants.

Look at What I Can Do Now!

Within three short days, Judah has moved from crawling to pulling himself up. He has about 8 bruises on his head to prove that he can pull himself up but that he isn't so graceful at sitting back down. I am glad that he is advancing in these new discoveries. However, practicing them in his crib at 4:30am and waking the rest of the household is not my idea of a great time.

10 years already?!

On Sunday, we had our annual church service on the lawn. This is my favorite service of the year. I absolutely love having the opportunity to be a part of our worship band. I feel fortunate that I get to participate with my voice while everyone is doing what I call the hard work. Worshipping with my voice is a way that I have really found to connect with God. I also feel especially fortunate to be a part of a band that is extremely talented...again, they do the hard work, I just get to add in harmonies here and there and be a part of the wonderful experience.

On Sunday, Joshua spoke about "our story". This was especially significant because this month is the 10th anniversary of our church...and what a story it has been...birthing from a church split, changing locations on a regular (sometimes weekly) basis, seeing many pastors and church members come and go, growing pains, shrinking pains, and everything in between. David and I and much of our family, have been a part of this story. David has taken on about every role you can imagine and I've been in a few roles myself. It is neat to revisit a story....the beginning often does not cue you in to what the current story will be. If I would have tried to imagine what the church would look like in 10 years when we met for the first time (10 years ago in the Delta HS auditorium), this is not what I would have thought. And now, I don't even want to try to guess what we will look like in 10 more years...but I do want to be open. I think of Natasha Bedingfield's "Unwritten" song....the rest is still unwritten. And so it is with our church AND with our life. Though the story of our past deepens our present story, we are not limited to that being the rest of the story. The Rest is still unwritten and I want to be open to what that might be. I also want to be a participant in that story and not just a bystander. It is much more exciting that way!

Switching gears....after our outdoor service. We continued the celebration by eating and playing games. There was a dunk tank, inflatables for the kids, corn hole and horse rides. Jonah was all gung ho about riding the horses, but apparently he was more interested in his blue raspberry Hawaiian Ice. After waiting in line for the pony ride, Jonah was only barely okay with touching the horse. He asked if his friend, Waverley, could ride first, which seemed chivalrous but it was really just his way of diverting the attention so that he could get back to his Hawaiian Ice. He never rode the pony....

Hey, Look at What I Can Do!

Okay, so yesterday when I dropped Judah off at Aunt Nichole's house for the day, this was Judah main mode of getting from one place to another...the good ole "army crawl". He has been doing this for about 4 weeks now and might I add that he has gotten pretty fast at it. I have tried it and it isn't all that easy.

Over the past week, Judah has loved discovering his new skill of putting himself into the seated position. He is getting a lot stronger but he has lots of little bruises on his head from tumbling over.


So, last night I pick up the boys from Aunt Nichole's house and when I got home, I put Judah on the floor. He immediately took 10 real crawling "steps". Wow, the change that can happen in one day is remarkable.